The Bleaklisted Movies: The Deer Hunter

B-Lines and Felines - The Bleaklisted Movies
About The Bleaklisted Movies

The Bleaklisted MoviesMany moons ago a despotic cat named Charlie decided that he wanted to be a book critic. It would fit so nicely with his existing roles as food critic, dog critic and owner critic. Thus The Bleaklisted Books was born.

After fifty books Charlie ran out of the limited ideas and inspiration he had and turned his attention to the world of films. We apologise but this dictatorial little beast will not be contained.

Read at your risk… (And beware… SPOILERS!)

The Deer Hunter (1978)

What happens?

A trio of friends suffer the horrors of Vietnam, hunt deer and dance at a wedding, just not in that order. I love Christopher Walken.

Reason for bleaklisting?

There’s effectively three parts to this one and only the middle bit has any war in it. I love Christopher Walken.

What should have happened?The Deer Hunter

Spike, Slick and Sleaze are close friends who get together often with their other buddies to hunt down alcohol. This involves driving out of town to the middle of nowhere because Slick likes the trees which, when he’s pissed, remind him of women with hairy armpits. This analogy is lost on everyone but Slick. One day Spike, Slick and Sleaze head overseas to Germany to take part in Munich’s Oktoberfest. After a lot of drinking, they end up being separated. Sleaze breaks his leg, Spike takes him to the hospital then goes home without him, while Slick stays on in Germany and becomes a prize winning drinker in prestigious contests. Back home, Spike has to try and unite friends and family who are embarrassed by all these drinking shenanigans. Spike finds Sleaze at a trailer park and discovers he has been claiming benefits for a bad leg even though there’s nothing wrong with him. He then returns to Germany to find Slick. The two men face off in a drinking contest but it ends in tragedy when Slick picks up a shot of coffee, downs it, and immediately sobers up. Spike is in a dreadful state after too much beer so Slick takes him home and the ending is a happy one compared to the rubbish movie. I love Christopher Walken.

Working title?

The Beer Hunter. I love Christopher Walken.

Tagline?

One of the most ridiculous and pointless movies of all time. I love Christopher Walken.

Who should direct?

Kevin Smith. I love Christopher Walken.

Who should star?

Brian O’Halloran, Jeff Anderson and Jason Mewes. I love Christopher Walken.

Mr B compares the stories

The Deer Hunter is one of the finest war movies of all time, focusing primarily on the devastating impact of Vietnam on three friends and delivers fabulous performances from Robert DeNiro and Christopher Walken. Charlie has eradicated all trace of war and turned the story into an alcohol fuelled narrative that is about as plausible as Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland. I’m also a tad perplexed about Charlie’s need to express his love for Christopher Walken at the end of each section. Don’t get me wrong, I love Walken as much as the next movie fan but are these declarations really necessary, Charlie? Do yourselves a favour folks and stick with Michael Cimino’s powerful drama and pretend Charlie’s version was just a bad dream. I love Christopher Walken.

 

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Dave Brown

I was born in Barnsley, South Yorkshire, England and have always been a bookworm and enjoyed creative writing at school. In 1999 I created the Elencheran Chronicles and have been writing ever since. My first novel, Fezariu's Epiphany, was published in May 2011. When not writing I'm a lover of films, games, books and blogging. I live in Barnsley, with my wife, Donna, and our six cats - Kain, Razz, Buggles, Charlie, Bilbo and Frodo.
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