The Bleaklisted Movies: The Shawshank Redemption

B-Lines and Felines - The Bleaklisted Movies
About The Bleaklisted Movies

The Bleaklisted MoviesMany moons ago a despotic cat named Charlie decided that he wanted to be a book critic. It would fit so nicely with his existing roles as food critic, dog critic and owner critic. Thus The Bleaklisted Books was born.

After fifty books Charlie ran out of the limited ideas and inspiration he had and turned his attention to the world of films. We apologise but this dictatorial little beast will not be contained.

Read at your risk… (And beware… SPOILERS!)

 

The Shawshank Redemption

What happens?

Guy goes to prison for murdering his wife and her stud. Guy goes through the motions in prison, makes a friend or two, then escapes.

Reason for bleaklisting?

The prison guards are amateurs. Has no one heard of the old tunnel behind the poster trick? Seriously, what a bunch of morons.

What should have happened?The Shawshank Redemption

Mandy Da Doo Ron Ron is sent to a horrible prison known as The Not Very Nice Prison for a series of murders. Mandy is believed to be the infamous Lamb Shank Slaughterer, a notorious serial killer who murders his victims by feeding them lamb with too much pepper on it. Mandy befriends another prisoner, Phyllis Bedding, better known as Bed. Over the next twenty years, Mandy plots his escape from the prison and tries numerous schemes such as tunnelling behind a poster, tunnelling underground, throwing a football over the fence and asking if he can go get it back, and trying to smuggle himself piece by piece to freedom using Bed’s clandestine goods distribution network. After twenty years of frustration, Mandy approaches a guard at the gate and asks to be let out. The guard complies because he’s in a good mood (thanks to an amorous breakfast that morning with his wife) and Mandy races away to freedom. He stops off briefly in his home town to inform the police that he’s just realised a former friend of his, Jerry “The Lamb Killer” Barker, might be the elusive Lamb Shank Slaughterer. While the police are questioning Jerry, Mandy flees across the border even though he’s now innocent! Bed catches up with him ten years later and they open a cocktail bar in Brazil.

Working title?

The Lambshank Redemption.

Tagline?

Fear can hold you prisoner. A stupid guard can set you free.

Who should direct?

Tim Burton.

Who should star?

Mike Myers and Clark Gable.

Mr B compares the stories

The Shawshank Redemption is widely considered as one of the greatest movies of all time, a claim that is fully justified in my humble opinion. Based on a Stephen King short story, it is pretty long but never boring and boasts fabulous performances from Tim Robbins and, in particular, Morgan Freeman. Charlie has kept the prison setting but thrown in some baloney about a Lamb Shank Slaughterer and how the ineptitude of one guard leads to the freedom of the main character. I’ll stick with the Oscar-nominated movie which has acting and a plot. Charlie’s effort clearly doesn’t and I’m not sure about Mike Myers and Clark Gable as a double act.

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Dave Brown

I was born in Barnsley, South Yorkshire, England and have always been a bookworm and enjoyed creative writing at school. In 1999 I created the Elencheran Chronicles and have been writing ever since. My first novel, Fezariu's Epiphany, was published in May 2011. When not writing I'm a lover of films, games, books and blogging. I live in Barnsley, with my wife, Donna, and our six cats - Kain, Razz, Buggles, Charlie, Bilbo and Frodo.
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