The Bleaklisted Movies: Singin’ in the Rain

B-Lines and Felines - The Bleaklisted Movies
About The Bleaklisted Movies

The Bleaklisted MoviesMany moons ago a despotic cat named Charlie decided that he wanted to be a book critic. It would fit so nicely with his existing roles as food critic, dog critic and owner critic. Thus The Bleaklisted Books was born.

After fifty books Charlie ran out of the limited ideas and inspiration he had and turned his attention to the world of films. We apologise but this dictatorial little beast will not be contained.

Read at your risk… (And beware… SPOILERS!)

 

Singin’ in the Rain

What happens?

Gene Kelly sings in the rain…a lot.

Reason for bleaklisting?

It’s always on at Christmas. Put something else on like Troll 2 or Batman and Robin.

What should have happened?Singin' in the Rain

Tony Sockfoot is a singer in a nightclub who does very well, especially with his rendition of Unchained Melody combined with Prodigy’s Smack My Bitch Up. Tony signs a contract to do a few shows overseas. The problem is that Tony’s eyesight isn’t great. The gig is supposed to be in Spain but Tony doesn’t read it properly and ends up singing on an island in the Persian Gulf. Given that his repertoire was supposed to be songs such as The Rain in Spain, Spanish Eyes and Never Been to Spain, things don’t turn out too well for old Tony. Luckily, he is able to persuade the locals to let him leave the country on the grounds that he is a total dimwit and misread what the contract says.

Working title?

Singin’ in Bahrain.

Tagline?

What a glorious mix-up!

Who should direct?

Alfred Hitchcock.

Who should star?

Gene Simmons and Madonna.

Mr B compares the stories

Singin’ in the Rain is a popular classic on Christmas Day and how can one resist Gene Kelly in this iconic role? Charlie has decided to recruit Alfred Hitchcock for a not particularly clever case of misreading a contract and heading to Bahrain rather than Spain. This isn’t a huge stretch of the imagination for the average person but for Charlie you just know he was up all night working on this one. Gene Simmons and Madonna to star? I suppose it depends which version of Madonna we have and whether Simmons is in full Kiss regalia with his face painted and his tongue hanging out. Whatever the scenario this is a disturbing alternative to a memorable Hollywood gem.

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Dave Brown

I was born in Barnsley, South Yorkshire, England and have always been a bookworm and enjoyed creative writing at school. In 1999 I created the Elencheran Chronicles and have been writing ever since. My first novel, Fezariu's Epiphany, was published in May 2011. When not writing I'm a lover of films, games, books and blogging. I live in Barnsley, with my wife, Donna, and our six cats - Kain, Razz, Buggles, Charlie, Bilbo and Frodo.
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