The Bleaklisted Movies: It Happened One Night

B-Lines and Felines - The Bleaklisted Movies
About The Bleaklisted Movies

The Bleaklisted MoviesMany moons ago a despotic cat named Charlie decided that he wanted to be a book critic. It would fit so nicely with his existing roles as food critic, dog critic and owner critic. Thus The Bleaklisted Books was born.

After fifty books Charlie ran out of the limited ideas and inspiration he had and turned his attention to the world of films. We apologise but this dictatorial little beast will not be contained.

Read at your risk… (And beware… SPOILERS!)

It Happened One Night

What happens?

Some rich tart runs away from home, hooks up with a struggling journalist and they have numerous adventures before the inevitable soppiness sets in.

Reason for bleaklisting?

The migraine I had for the next week.

What should have happened?It Happened One Night

Selfie is a rich broad who decides to annoy her family by running off with P. Meter, a parking meter who has secreted away a large amount of change. Hot on their heels is a policeman named PC Palindrome who happened to be at the car park at the time of the elopement. When the money runs out after the first night, Selfie sets her lover up as a parking meter and while he makes some dosh she does her best to remain inconspicuous despite repeatedly sitting in parks and reading a newspaper which features Selfie on the cover with the words, “Have you seen this woman? She’s probably in a car park reading this newspaper.” PC Palindrome arrests P. Meter and then catches up with Selfie. He informs her she is such a fine piece of ass that they can either run away together or she can go back home. Selfie opts to go home, citing her preference for inanimate objects, her life of crime having lasted about 36 hours.

Working title?

It Happened One Night…and Some of the Day After.

Tagline?

A love like no other…before or since…probably because it’s not legal and it’s a bit weird.

Who should direct?

Richard Attenborough.

Who should star?

Jane Fonda, Bill Maher (as the voice of P. Meter) and John Thaw.

Mr B compares the stories

The first movie to bag the elusive five major Academy Awards, It Happened One Night is a classic romance of its time. Charlie has chosen to get rid of the rich girl’s forbidden lover and replace him with a parking meter. Instead of a struggling journalist we just have a cop doing his best to catch the runaway woman and her inanimate lover. It sounds like the sort of tripe you might find in a concrete bunker but thanks to Charlie’s insistent nature it is here for all eyes and ears to suffer. An unusual cast and a director that deserves better are just the icing on this awful cake.

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Dave Brown

I was born in Barnsley, South Yorkshire, England and have always been a bookworm and enjoyed creative writing at school. In 1999 I created the Elencheran Chronicles and have been writing ever since. My first novel, Fezariu's Epiphany, was published in May 2011. When not writing I'm a lover of films, games, books and blogging. I live in Barnsley, with my wife, Donna, and our six cats - Kain, Razz, Buggles, Charlie, Bilbo and Frodo.
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