The Bleaklisted Movies: Sin City

B-Lines and Felines - The Bleaklisted Movies
About The Bleaklisted Movies

The Bleaklisted MoviesMany moons ago a despotic cat named Charlie decided that he wanted to be a book critic. It would fit so nicely with his existing roles as food critic, dog critic and owner critic. Thus The Bleaklisted Books was born.

After fifty books Charlie ran out of the limited ideas and inspiration he had and turned his attention to the world of films. We apologise but this dictatorial little beast will not be contained.

Read at your risk… (And beware… SPOILERS!)

Sin City

What happens?

It’s three stories about three people in a bad city.

Reason for bleaklisting?

Should have been two hours of Mickey Rourke being a full on badass. I want an army of Marvs right here, right now.

What should have happened?Sin City

A super tough woman known as Beryl is sent to infiltrate the infamous metropolis known as Really Nice City. On arrival she finds the surrounding walls are so steep the rooftops are only just visible. The only way up appears to be a moveable block that Beryl is able to use as a kind of seesaw to send her hurtling up into the skies and into the city. She manages to get into the filthy place just before a giant, circular roof comes down and traps her and everyone else inside. Beryl begins a series of adventures told across 3.5 stories. Firstly she brings down a drug lord named Lizard Lizzie, then she survives a shootout with the Kamikaze Koalas, before winning a poker game against Knuckle Duster Custer Muster McLuster Buster. On completion of these three challenges, Beryl realises that there is no way out of Really Nice City because it’s actually a giant dustbin. Nice twist there, eh?

Working title?

Bin City.

Tagline?

There is no movie without bin.

Who should direct?

Federico Fellini.

Who should star?

Natalie Portman, Roy Scheider, Judy Garland and Walt Whitman.

Mr B compares the stories

Frank Miller’s Sin City is an action-packed and stylish thriller with one hell of a cast. While I agree with Charlie that Marv is the standout character in the movie, I don’t think his screen time warrants this one being bleaklisted. Charlie has served up a peculiar movie about a tough woman (good to see) fighting some bad people (also good) who happen to be in a city in a bin (the movie kind of prolapses here). The fact that Charlie thinks the city in a bin is a clever twist is somewhat hampered not only by the movie’s mildly suggestive title but also Beryl’s initial entrance into the bin by aid of the pedal that opens it. I’ve never taken drugs but I imagine if I did get high and wrote something random on a piece of paper it would still be more fruitful and coherent than this shambles from the demonic cat.

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Dave Brown

I was born in Barnsley, South Yorkshire, England and have always been a bookworm and enjoyed creative writing at school. In 1999 I created the Elencheran Chronicles and have been writing ever since. My first novel, Fezariu's Epiphany, was published in May 2011. When not writing I'm a lover of films, games, books and blogging. I live in Barnsley, with my wife, Donna, and our six cats - Kain, Razz, Buggles, Charlie, Bilbo and Frodo.
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