The Bleaklisted Movies: Looper

B-Lines and Felines - The Bleaklisted Movies
About The Bleaklisted Movies

The Bleaklisted MoviesMany moons ago a despotic cat named Charlie decided that he wanted to be a book critic. It would fit so nicely with his existing roles as food critic, dog critic and owner critic. Thus The Bleaklisted Books was born.

After fifty books Charlie ran out of the limited ideas and inspiration he had and turned his attention to the world of films. We apologise but this dictatorial little beast will not be contained.

Read at your risk… (And beware… SPOILERS!)

Looper

What happens?

Guy kills people sent from the future but things get complicated when his next target turns out to be an older version of himself. 2 hours of mind numbing nonsense later it’s all over.

Reason for bleaklisting?

Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Bruce Willis are not the same people so the movie doesn’t work.

What should have happened?Looper

Moe is an assassin who specialises in killing anybody that isn’t a fan of 1980s cult classic Krull. After ten years doing the job, Moe is stunned when he kills a bearded guy only to find it is Ken Marshall, the star of the original movie. From this point on Moe becomes the hunted party but finds whenever he utters an expletive it is bleeped out by some unseen power. Moe’s former employers and Krull fans worldwide gradually close the net on our incompetent anti-hero. Moe decides the best thing to do is to destroy his DVD copy of Krull to bring down the organisation he has devoted his life to and in the hope of restoring Ken Marshall to life. Only when he has burned the DVD to ashes does Moe suddenly remember there is more than one copy of Krull out there and, even worse, that this isn’t one of those confusing time travel movies. The story ends with Moe uttering yet another expletive as the mob descends on him and he smiles as this time the vulgar word is aptly not bleeped out.

Working title?

Blooper.

Tagline?

Hate Krull? You’re screwed.

Who should direct?

Oliver Stone.

Who should star?

Marlon Brando, James Dean and Katharine Hepburn.

Mr B compares the stories

Looper is a challenge for slow thinkers such as myself but it’s a great movie as well. I’m utterly perplexed as to what has happened with Charlie’s alternative. He has eradicated the time travel element and instead focused on a bloodthirsty appreciation society for 1983 movie, Krull. It isn’t a great movie, in my opinion, but it’s there and you have to deal with it as best you can like Shark in Venice or Movie 43. A prestigious cast directed by Oliver Stone sounds like a dream combination to me but three great leads don’t deserve to have their names tarnished with this obscenity.

Follow Dave

Dave Brown

I was born in Barnsley, South Yorkshire, England and have always been a bookworm and enjoyed creative writing at school. In 1999 I created the Elencheran Chronicles and have been writing ever since. My first novel, Fezariu's Epiphany, was published in May 2011. When not writing I'm a lover of films, games, books and blogging. I live in Barnsley, with my wife, Donna, and our six cats - Kain, Razz, Buggles, Charlie, Bilbo and Frodo.
Follow Dave
Pin It

Leave a Comment